1. I am a Pisces which is fitting because I absolutely adore the ocean.
2. I first broke a poor boy’s heart at the tender young age of 6.
3. In 4^th grade, I could beat every boy in my class in arm wrestling. HOT I know…
4. When I was in kindergarten, I tricked a really annoying girl into believing I had Dorothy’s red shoes from the Wizard of Oz. I told her that the shoes gave me the power to do magic on her. And she never bothered me again…
   
5. I discovered how to mix colors in preschool and have since loved art and painting and colors.
6. I absolutely DESPISE tape. Its disgusting. Seriously. I’m freaking scared of it.
7. They don’t have a name for what I have…I’ve checked the phobia list. I’m not on there…not sure what to think about that yet.
   
8. I suck at keeping in touch with people…hence the long span of time between this post and the last.
9. In my future house, I plan to have a little attic room with an oval paned window to let the sun in…and it shall be my private haven.
10. My future house must also have a treehouse. Because when I was little, I always wanted one and never got one so I’ll have one as an adult and play in it with my kids.
11. I adore playing volleyball despite my 5’4 stature.
12. My love for French culture and language stems from my childhood infatuation with Beauty and the Beast. And Bryan claims my infatuation has affected my dating life as he calls himself a beast and I a beauty.
    
13. I’m just now realizing how much my daddy loves and sacrifices for me. And it makes me want to cry every single time. I’ve got a crazy daddy… =)
14. My role as a small group leader in IV has greatly improved my stalking skills. BEWARE.
    
15. I plan to own a penguin and a sloth one day…don’t know how but I will.
16. My apartment has been dubbed the castle and appropriately enough, I am now Belle. I live with Mulan, Pocahontas, and Cinderella.
    
17. I’m planning to cut off my hair entirely again. Can’t wait!!!
18. I'm a klutz (to the point where tripping over nothing doesn't even phase me anymore).
    
19. I love food and I eat too much of it. I wish I could have 4 stomachs like a cow but without having to carry all that extra weight.
    
20. If I ever get embarrassed, I turn amazingly red…the kind of red that goes to your ears and your neck and can’t be covered by my black hair.
    

i spent the weekend at the tenderloin district.

my eyes were truly opened to the reality of this world and after seeing all i've seen, after hearing all i've heard...i find myself filled with questions that have no answers.

why was i born into the privilege i was born into when my brother struggles just to get one meal a day? who is this new Jesus that i've met this weekend - a Jesus who is not just a personal God but a Jesus who lived and died among the poor and oppressed, a Jesus who institionalized religion has forgotten - who is this Jesus? how do i go back to living my life here at Berkeley? how do i deal with the fact that i'm a female within a world that can be dangerous and scary? why is it that i keep on perpetuating the vicious cycle - by ignoring that man sleeping on the street, by buying more consumer goods that i don't need, by buying so much food that it rots and gets thrown away - why do i keep perpetuating it?

the questions seem endless and my emotions are so drained: anger, sadness, hope, hopelessness, joy, fear, shame, etc etc etc. the thoughts in my head have no coherence - jumbled up into one massive jumble. but one thought that keeps popping up:

this was one weekend of my life. this is the the REST of their lives. and i wonder...could i make it my life as well? can i live my life seeing these people as my loved brother, my sister, my mother, my father? poverty is a problem of love disguised as a problem of resources. But where do i go from here?

Father Ben said...giving up resources will help for awhile...but in the end, those will not win the fight. what is needed is a lifestyle devoted to realizing we are all in 1 world, realizing that every action i take affects the lives of every person, realizing how humbled i need to become. my God was a humble King.

cause it's not about me...it's not about patting myself on the back for giving up a weekend out of my life. it's about learning from the poor, from these people that everyone looks down upon. it's about humility...realizing that i am part of the problem, realizing that one weekend isn't enough, realizing that i need to change so desperately. and not just realizing, but doing.

the easy thing to do would be to crawl back into my little bubble...to live as if nothing had happened. but could i really do that? knowing all i know now? the questions are still burning inside of me...can they be silenced?

i don't want them to be silenced. i want to struggle with the hard questions. i want to continue to seek out this new Jesus that i've found.

i washed your feet this weekend Jesus...i saw you in the tenderloin.

all praise be to you, my humble King.

hey everyone! SO...in less than 4 hours i'll be moving into Berkeley...my home for the next 4 years! feeling both very sad and very excited. I will miss the valley incredibly much. but...i just wanted to say thank you to everyone in the valley who has made this summer and the past 4 years at cleveland rock like i never thought possible. you guys all know who you are and though it won't be the same as we all move on to our new lives, i will always treasure the memories shared. This past week especially has been so crazy yet meaningful. All of you who’ve made the effort to spend time with me before I leave, you guys are amazing friends and I hope that we just continue to grow closer through the years. As for those of you who couldn’t, shame on you! Haha I kid I kid. No worries k? cause when I come back to the valley, we’re gonna rock it just like old times! Truly truly I have been blessed by everyone who’s entered into my life…but NO WORRIES…cause i know this ain't goodbye. i just wanted to say thank you is all. so thank you to everyone who's made me feel so loved and cherished and special! *tho i think you all may have overdone it and turned me into a spoiled brat! * i'll be seeing you all around so till then adieu and take care! the next time i'll be writing in here will be from CAL! WAHOO!

ps: I LOVE YOU!!! Oh and you better KIT folks.